Aparador Session...

First things first....
I didnt update my blog.. kasi wala ako sa mood...
my connection with Dun was over...
and hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sya bitter....
nagusap naman kami ng maayos..
ehh bakit sya pa yung bitter...???!!
kainis talaga.. pero anyway.,..
ayoko na sya isipin... kasi his just a previous chapter of my life..
lets move forward... :)

So the fist day of the week....
i met this guy from my work...
actually online ko sya nameet as always...
Source ng kaPutahan at kalandian ang internet!...
kaya Go..! to Cyber-Crime Law.. (CHOZZZ!!!!)
so ayun nga nameet ko sya online...
twagin nalang natin syang..
Aparador #1.. kasi tago pa ang lola nyo...
from work to family... Linlangan period pa sya...
which i understand naman.. kasi its hard to
come out.. specially 21 kana,,,...
basta.. tama na yang... aparador issue na yan...
the main issue here is...
he Bang me!!...
na sobrang awkward....
kasi wala akong maramdaman!!...
as in i cant feel his medium size Cock.. inside my Glory Hole...
So napaisip ako???...
(Ganun na ba ako KALUWANG... or Maliit lang talaga Nota nya?)
napaisip talaga ako ng bongga....
feeling ko ganun nalang kalaki yung kay Dun??,.
at lumuwag ako ng Sobra.... Tsk.Tsk...
basta what i know about him.. is...
Type nya ko... kasi sabi nya...?!..
but HELLLOOO????!!! agad agad palit....
nahiya naman ako kay Dun...
basta im not expecting anything from Aparador #1...
basta hindi ko sya pinapansin sa work....
kasi oras na lapitan nya ko...!
ALAM na!... Beki to!...
Sobrang Halos lahat na ata ng workmates ko alam na Serena ako...
so delikado pag nakita kaming nagusap...
baka malaglag sya sa aparador!.. NAku!!...

The next guy here is...
Aparador #2....
His totally mateur na.. 30!!!!....
haha... But i swear... his such a Bear!!...
like this picture...

Sorry pero napaOA yung picture,,
make it more mature and fatter..
yun na sya.. hehe..
ok.. fine.. pakita ko na yung picture,,,
kasi Cute naman sya.. hehe,...

yan sya...

basta parang ganyan...
and i Swear.. the sex was so fucking Hot and intense,,,...
pulado pulado ako...
ang kati kasi nung beard nya...
i wonder why mature guys,,, is so fucking good in bed...
na naka 3 rounds kami....
basta it was so intense....

basta what i know about him is ...
same set up lang din sya tulad ni Aparador #1....
but maganda career ng isang to...???...
try ko kayang gawing regular.. Buddy...
baka... makajackpot ako... hehe..
besides.. kalbo sya.. w/ beard and big body structure...
my Ideal Guy in Bed,!! Hayyy... why not...
but his a lot older???!! AwwwwkwwwarrrddD!!??...
basta.. its hard to find guys this days...
if he wants my

Heart or my Hole??? :P

Temper

Today... another bad day..
im so fucked up...
i lost my temper again w/ doreimon....
Why do i always lost my temper w/ that guy...
kakainis....

Seriously nasaktan ako sa sinabi nya..
never nya kasi ako tnawag na ganun...
yung GAY word in tagalog version...
sapul Ego ko...
para akong sinampal...
much better if minura nya nalang ako,...
kasi the way that he said it...
parang papa ko yung nagsalita...
so nawala ako ng sandali sa sarili ko...
and everything na gnawa sakin ng dad ko...
nagflash back.... stress...
so di ko na namalayan na tumulo na yung
luha ko... hay....

kaya ayaw ni janine na nasstress ako...
because she knows my past....
pag nasstress ako...
ang dami ko naiisip...
all my problems in the past...
in one whole package... naiisip ko...
so i get sad.. dramatic and everything...

kaya kaysa ano pa magawa ko...
because im loosing my temper...
i decided to go home nalang...
para wala ng gulo...
but di ko talaga napigilan
kahit na nilibang ko na sarili ko at home..
i txt him w/ bad words....
i even call his cell...
actually those words... means nothing...
compare sa nafeel ko...
yung mga words na binitiwan ko...
wala yun sa naramdaman ko how he called me
GAY!... infront of other people...

i really want to kill him...
kasi his making me stress again...
hay....
pinapahiya nya ko sa ibang tao...
he treat me like nothing....
he doesnt trust me...
his not interested w/ my life...
i feel his using me for something .. that i dont know...
so why should i stick w/ a friend like that...
madami naman akong friends...
na mas nakakaintindi sakin... so why should i
stay w/ someone that doesnt listen...
w/ no concern... what a fake.... hay...
kung my choice lang ako...
para di sya makita... or malipat ako ng project,,,
mwala lang sa paningin nya...

bakit ba hindi nya nararamdaman
yung galit sa kanya ng tao...
bat kaylangan nya pa magtanong...
wla ba syang sense of humor...
wla ba syang pakiramdam...
ganun ba kamanhid...
hindi ba sya nagiisip...
bara bara nalang ba sya palagi sa actions nya...
so WHY?!!!
WHY are you making me stressss!!!!!!....

NO!

Last night i check my planetromeo account..
and usually everytime i check in...
ang dami ng message the past 15 palang..
god.. ganun naba ako kaindemand???!
nakakataas ng self confidence huh..
even though i know im not that cute bunny type (pahumble...)
i got messages from different gayguys..
and im so bored last night i check every messages..
which is commonly looking for sex and hookups nanaman...

Pero as i told on my last post..
Playtimes over...
so hindi ako nakipagsex last night even though its my day off..
plus i made a promise to myself...
im controlling my temptation... im like a goddamn vampire...
begging to drink or taste a drop of blood.
i know this is not easy...
but its for good nadin, which is alam ko it will
make me a better person..
much amazing... and more good image..

anyway.. im having good time with my new friend..
the FB guy that i go with...
we have some difference padin naman...
and nagsisimba na ko.. hehe..
thanks to him..
plus were planning to go to the gym by september..
were Gym Buddies now.. im sure im getting hotter...
and ayun.. we have same taste when it comes sa outfits..
plus pareho kaming cute.. perfect friends that i really looking for...
Lets face it we live in a PHYSICAL WORLD...
kya dapat make your self good looking as possible diba..
kung di ka ganun kacute di ka mapapansin...
Physical Look comes first before the smooth emotions right...

but hey.. my Love is Blind pa naman,..
it really excist... PROVEN!!!
remember nabiktima na ko ng Love is Blind na yan...
so my pagasa ka padin if u dont have the full package...

hay na ko.. baka binabasa nanaman ng feeler na yun.. tong blog ko..
if i know... :{

so ill put him on my next post after this..

thats all.. no more hookups... time to change for the better...

Stop!

Some people may think im a SLUT, PLAYER, PALIPAT LIPAT...

but my storya naman sa lahat lahat kung bakit ba ginagawa 

yun ng isang tao...

Nahurt na din ako once...

as in WASAK!.. SAKITTTT!!... sobra...

na nagtrigger sakin na maging malandi.. pokpokin.. slut bitch!...

its a BAD ROMACE... a very  very bad romace..

kaya naman nadala ako..

i never trust when it comes to love...

kasi nga nadala na...

so irealized everybody is playing around..

just want sex and one night stands...

so i just played there games...

specially in my world...

puro laro lang ang lahat..

its hard to find the right one..

but i realized its been a year.. year...

so i think its time to stop playing around..

no more one night stands or anything related to sex..

and change partners every week or months?!!!!

i need to change...

its time to change..

I'm going to find my way back into Love..

and trust another guy once again..

and i hope i'll find him along the way..

it will take time.. and effort...

but i will not be hasty when it comes to it...

and NO MORE SEX and Sleepovers...

ill just use my Fucking hand!! haha :DD

and wait for the right guy to touch it once again w/ 

Love and seduction.. :3

So medyo medyo mabuburo muna tayo... haha

I swear... Time na... Stop na.... Playtimes OVER!

Inspire

Ok.. finally i made a choice na...
im ready na to give up my current job...
stress nadin kasi ako dun plus im looking forward na
i fulltime na yung odesk as a web researcher and data encoder..
im just waiting to get hired for full time position like 40-60 hours/week..
plus dollar rate dun.. and nasa bahay kalang..
and weekly ang sahuran.. no taxe's and deduction..
ung deduction ko dun ung sa bank transfer lang na cost around 99.00 pesos.. hehe
so yun... kaya almost a week nadin akong absent sa work ko..
dahil nadin nga nasstress ako dun sa isang tao pag nakikita ko..
haha... pero wala naman na sakin yun... FINALLY!!!
nagetover nadin ako... but stress padin pag naririnig ko boses nya
or yung maaninag ko lang sya..
ewan ko ba dun... naging BITTER SWEET talaga yung ending..
atleast my mapagmamalaki na sya dba.. na mya nalaglag sa kanya...
Beki nga lang.. haha.. FEELER SYA HA!!!!
so for now.. Erase Erase Erase.. and focus for a better future and opportunity!!!

SOBRANG HAPPY NA KO...
overwhelmed and inspired for my future na.. hehe..

and last night lumabas kami ni new friend yung sa FB..
naghangout lang kami.. were closed friends na...
after i lost the other one my pumalit naman agad dba...
haha.. blessed padin ako after all..

Attached

ilang araw nadin akong absent because im not ok..

sa family sa work.. and everything...

maghapon lang ako nakahiga ... watch movie... 

sobrang silent lang ng life ko this fast few days...

thank god.. my new member kami sa apartment..

si mam arian...

ayun kulit lang ni mam... 

and i realized stop na...

no more self fittynes!

and tomorrow pasok nanaman...

hirap talga maattached masyado sa tao...

nakakastressssss..

hay Gudluck..

Drama

Fine... blinock ko na sya...
gusto ko na putulin lahat ng connection namin...
nahihirapan kasi ako sa nararamdaman ko..

ayoko gawin lahat to..
kasi wala naman sya gnwang masama sakin...
bukod sa nagbago na sya..
or nasanay lang talga ako sa dati na palagi kaming magkasama...
kaya nagiging ganto ako...
pero ang hirap kasi...
di ko na malabanan ung weird feeling na yun..
mas ok na ako na ung lumayo kaysa one day
marealize ko na di nya na talaga ako sinasamahan or everything..
namimiss ko din yung dating sya..
the two of us... ung ok pa kami ni doreimon...

kaya naman ayoko masyadong naaattached sa isang tao na
wala namang pakiramdam...
na kaylanagan mo pa iexplain sa kanya lahat...
na ganito ka kasi.. ganyan .. ano.. basta...
hindi pa sya ganun siguro kamature para marealize un..
i thought pa naman were gonna be really good closed friends...
pero ganto pa ending...
naapektuhan na buhay ko sa araw araw...

mahal ko na ata talaga yun...
ngayon lang nangyari sa akin yung mga gantong feeling eh...
ehh.. bat sa maling tao pa... badtrip naman kasi!!!!..
i tested kung mawawala ung feeling na yun..
pero HINDI... hindi nawala.. nanjan lang...
ang hirap itago...
kaya nga mas ok na ako nalang ung mawala..
kasi ako naman ung may problema...

im having problems with my dad..
and sagad sagad na problema ko..
ayoko na syang idagdag pa..
ang dami k ng pinagdaanan...
ayokong madagdagan pa.. kasi di din naman ako
ganon ka strong na tao...
mahina din ako...
thats why im always leaving...
palagi nalang ako suko...
palagi nalang ako ung umaalis..
or ako yung iniiwin ng mga tao...
masyado na kong dramatic pero ganun naman talaga ako...
pero di ko pinapakita sa real world..
dito ko na nga lang nalalabas ung dramatic side ko...
ung totoo.. sobrang sad ng life.. ko... sobrang depressing...
pero humaharap padin ako na nakangiti and happy person
sa harap ng ibang tao..

after nung drama ko with my dad.. 2 weeks ago na ata..
another delema nanaman with doreimon...
hindi matatapos to hanggat di talaga ako umaalis..
hay....... drama.....