WowwOorthless..

i dont what is this kind of feeling...
masyado lang siguro ako maemote ngayun...

for the current relationship i have right now...
i dont know what is this...
im not enjoying..
nothing extraordinary...
i cant feel it..
even though palagi nya ko nirireachout...
wala pa din..
i cant feel the butterlies with passing rainbows and
falling glitters on me...

this is sick...
i should ended this up..
pinapahirapan ko lang yung tao..
sobrang effort and adjust w/ my sched...
while here i am...
ganto lang O_O...

im confused..
parang ayaw ko na pumasok sa relationship
muna...
i dont really need it..
at madami lang ako nasasaktan along the way...
ayoko makarama...

I dont know....
meron bang mali pag naging single...
bakit ang daming taong ayaw na ayaw maging single..
at nagmumuka ng desperado magkarelasyon lang...
madami na kong nakitang ganun..
specially at work...
di naman ako desperado..nag mumuka lang
akong malandi sa pinaggagawa ko...
should i change na ba..
even i said it many times pero di ko naman  magawa...
hayy...

I dont know..
Bakit ba malaking issue ang pagiging single..
pede bang choice lang magpakasingle...
at wag mo ko itulad syo na panget...
at hirap magkajowa kaya may makita
lang na opportunity Kakaririn agad agad..
kasi nga desperado at uhaw magkarelasyon.??

ayoko matulad sa mga ganung tao...
i know my standards..
also my physical look..
im not that choosy naman..
basta i feel comfortable and happy w/ the guy...

im not into a trophy partner...
kasi mas lalo lang makikita ung kapangitan ko sa kanya..
haha.. tama ba???
Napatunayan ko na yan sa mga nakita kong
magjojowa... strangers, friends.. etc...

basta... i dont know.. puro ako i dont know...

I Dont Know?

In terms of my job right now...
medyo stressful na sa work...
things got so complicated lately...
na medyo nawawalan na ko ng gana magtrabaho...

gusto ko na magresign but...
madaming consiquences once i gave up my job...
ayoko naman maging tambay!!??
the fact na pede naman ako tumulong sa family business..
kaso boring yun... i wont grow up as a person and
an employee sa ganung field...
and on the other reason...
im not ready pa for a new kind of job...
as in wala akong idea...?

I dont know what to do..?
bored na bored na talaga ako and im not
a stress drama queen para magtiis sa nakakastress na trabaho...
di ko alam how long i can hold on... -___-
kasi...
maybe... its just another test to my patient...
how can i get through in that kind of situation without giving up...

HaiiiiissssttTTT!....

I dont Know...
Bahala na si DARNA!!!

Hello 2013

Its 2013!... Yey...
at its a great time for a fresh start...
2012 had been a good yr. for me...
and im not planning to write it down...
mas feel ko kasing iniisip isip ko nalang...
its a treasure on my mind na masarap balik balikan...

anyway...
i already move back to my family...
family nga ba? hehe..
im now leaving alone... w/ my lola..
na hindi din naman madalas nandun..
bcoz shes busy w/ many stuffs like church etc..
so i feel alone padin pag nasa bahay na ko...
kaya most of the time after work...
i rather catch up some tv shows and matulog nalang...
its a new daily routine padin...
na still changing...
kasi bumibisibisita dun mga cousins ko...
and chikahan for a while..
normal cousin to cousins bonding...

i realized na im getting old na...
im not bragging anything na im getting old na so kaylangan mature maturan kana...
sabi nga ni Aris sakin... im asking him...
na once i reached the age of 25 dapat im already holding on to something
na my family would be proud of me...
and im wrong w/ that... masyado akong nagmamadali...
i should enjoy my life habang young pa ko dba...
like aris said ang edad number lang un...
its your attitude that counts...

So i change all my plans to stay at my work..
and forget the Abroad issue...
nageenjoy padin naman ako w/ my friends...
specially w/ Janine...
i dont want to leave agad agad bcoz of them..
dahil sa personal plans and goals ko...
i rather stay here and reach my goals w/ them...
its to early pa para magmadali...
i want to live my life first...

plus im planning to study this yr..
my lola is convincing me all the time...
she really want me to finished my study...
yung may panghahawakan ba...
but i dont know...
di ko alam...
ayoko naman pilitin ung sarili ko na hindi bukal sa loob ko...
maybe pag i feel its time na...
but i have so many plans this 2013!..
like i want to invest into something...
yung may pupuntahan..
i want to start my own business..
like my titas are telling me...
na "almost 2 yrs. kana sa work mo, pero wala ka manlang investment"
ung totoo medyo nangliliit ako sa sarili ko...
yung cousin ko kasi opened a curtain store na sa Bataan...
Goshh.. magkaedad lang kame... and ayokong kinocompare ako
sa kanya...
hindi naman ako nakikipagkompitensya pero..
at her young age nakapag invest na sya into something...
at ako wala pa...
maybe im too much enjoying my life...
pero un ako ehhh...
im not her!..
but magiinvest ako for my own good nadin...
im glad na may mga tita ako na nanjan lang palagi...
i loved them so much..
actually more than my parents..
kasi naman 60% ng life ko sa kanila ako nagexcist...
and najan lang sila palagi kahit na ang tigas na ng ulo ko...

all the pangaral na sinabi nila sakin...
na sinunod ko.. thats why im here right now...
confident and beautiful.. Chos!..

So this 2013!..
i will live my life...
start my own business...
and stay the same...
at tigilan na ung mature maturan drama!..
kasi ako to...
and they cant change the way i am...
KAPAK!!!! :D

I miss being in a relationship.

Just so you know, it’s not the first time I am saying this. 
I miss everything about being committed. The feeling, the little pressure, the date outs and the butterflies. 
Everything. It’s just inevitable to feel lonely and envious whenever I see happy couples. 
I don’t know why.
I’m not desperate nor rushing things up. 
I’m just feeling this little emptiness in me that only one person can fill. 
But as of now, I still don’t know who that person is. 
Maybe we’ve already met or we’re about to, someday. No one knows.

A while~

Its been a while since my last post..
masyado kasing nagenjoy at naging busy this december and
quarter days of november.. plus the factor na graveyard shift...
blanko ang braincells ko to wright random stuffs about my
life...

the last few weeks its been great...
puro happiness and drama...
some problems na naovercome naman and make
me and my relationships w/ my friends more stronger...

wala akong masabi...
kasi i already got it all...
true friends that i know wont last forever
but still, enjoying the moments that we still have together..

i know friends come and goes...
its normal kasi wala naman talagang permanente sa mundo.. ryt?
oo... malungkot if iisipin when time comes that they will leaves away...
pero naenjoy ko naman na kasama sila...
memories that will stay on the corner of my mind..
na everytime na aalahanin mo...
makes u smile ...
lahat ng kalokohan and everything...

if that time comes...
its ok naman maging malungkot for a while..
its very normal kasi tao ka..
meron taung emotions...
pero as usual.. we need to move on and live life...
and it will be a new chapter of our life...
new friends, adventure and memories....

:)

BreakDown

the past few days...
medyo mainitin nanaman ulo ko...
because of 1 reason..
stressss....!!
stress sa bahay...

im not really sure if i should come back home....
im confused.. kasi its complicated...
at nasstress ako dahil dun..
thats why...
pinagtritripan ko nalang yung ibang tao...
para mabaling sa iba yung attention ko...
and to forget about it.. for a while...

ayoko naman iopen sa iba yung personal
problems ko..
kasi its not me...
i always keep it by myself...
even kay janine.. di ko masabi..
kasi i know.. my mga problema din sya personally..
kahit di nya sabihin... ramdam ko naman yun sa kanya,,,
and i dont want to open it up..
kasi were like the same...
di kami nagpapakain sa problema...
we always goofing around... fun.. fun.. fun..
kasi mas ok na yung masaya kami...
were always happy...
and ayoko maging dramatic...

but its really hard to handle...
minsan my times talaga na naiisip mo...
at sinusumpong ka...
tinotopak...
like masaya kanaman kanina.. then...
biglang mood changer...
nawiwirdohan tuloy mga kasama ko sa bahay...
kasi wala naman silang idea what im going through...
and di talaga ako mahilig magsabi ng problems sa ibang tao..
palagi ko nalang sinasarili...
na minsan pag di ko na kaya...
nagpiFreak out nalang ako bigla,,!..

but kanina...
sinumpong nanaman ako...
ang pangit ng gising ko...
at my napaginitan nanaman ako na tao sa bahay... si aris..
di ko alam bat ba naginit nalang ulo ko...
kabadtrip...
and pag tinopak talaga ako..
as in sagadang topak..!
much better na pabayaan mo nalang ako..
kasi later on magiging ok nanaman ako..
pero kanina...
sagadan talaga...
di ko na kayang dalhin yung personal problems...
why i dont want to go home for some reasons...
but i really need to go home... for a good reason nadin...

after work nagimpake na ko...
badtrip kasi talaga ako...
na di ko alam kung bakit...
maybe.. masyado na kong naatached sa mga tao na kasama ko sa bahay...
at mas lalo lang ako mahirapan magadjust pag wala na sila...

pero di ko sila kaya iwan...
si aris... inakyat ko sya sa taas...
di ko na kinaya...
i need someone to talk...
and yun nag nervous breakdown na ko sa kanya..
i opened up everything...
na hindi ko pa sinabi kay janine...
kasi sobrang sensitive ng isssue...
di ko alam bat ko sinabi kay aris...
pero ang hirap kasi dalin..
ang hirap ng walang mapagsabihan...

its a secret na mahirap sabihin sa ibang tao...
sobraaa...
but si aris naman yun...
ayoko ng sinasarili problema ko...
kasi di naman talaga ako ganun ka strong...
actually im weak...
buti nalang nanjan yung little brother ko and friends...
na sa kanila ko kinukuha ung strenght ko...
para tumawa pa at maging happy everyday...

ayoko talagang umuwi samin...
pero kaylangan...
sobrang complicated...
hayyyy....

Housemates part 1

well...
this are my housemates...
a.k.a my workmates, friends... but i prefer to call them my Family....
after  my family broked up...
i never felt having the care.. support and everything that
family has to offer... na sa kanila ko lang ulit naramdaman...
i really love this guys.... i dont really show it...
but pinaparamdam ko naman sa kanila yun...
and they are all important to me...

Aris would be the most important one...
kasi his one of the greatest person na naging part
ng journey ko through life....
sa kanya ko naramdaman magkaroon ng Kuya...
his like my Big Brother...
and it feels good... na magkaroon ng bigbrother...
ramdam ko how much he love me...
and all the cares he given me....
nandyan palagi during my down and up moments...

Mahal na Mahal ko yan si Aris...
nakasama ko sya sa Paghihirap moments...
at Tagyaman moments...
kahit nahihirapan na sya di mo makikita sa muka nya
yung iritado... magmemake face lang saglit.. then ok na!.. :'D

inaabuso ko na nga yan.. kasi napakabait sobra...
palagi kong binuburaot yung Plan nya.. Haha!...
and its hard for me to leave him...
kasi nsanay nadin ako na kasa ksama sya sa bahay....

mamimiss ko yung boses nya...
pag ginigising nya na ko... :((
kapag nagkakape kami together at maguusap
about sa anong bagay bagay,,,...

he will always be the Best.! ♥

Yuan ...
ewan ko bat madali syang mastress pag niloloko ko sya...
kaya ang sarap nyang pagtripan eh...
natutuwa ako sa reaction nya.... haha...
Love na Love ko yan si yuan...
di ko nalang sinasabi kasi... SO GAY! diba...
specially sa Angas-looks nya di bagay sabihang...
"Yuan, Love na Love kamu kita" YAYkkksss!
kinikilabutan ako.. assuming pa naman yun...
isipin pa nya Type ko sya..!!??? :O
i swear .. BiG NO!!,,..
kahit tabi pa kami ma2log...
ni kahit konting pagnanasa wala!... HAHA!
kung icocompare naman sa looks ni Aris,,,
na Good Boy Looking...
basta... mabait yan si yuan..
kahit ganyan itsura nyan.. haha,,,..
marami yang kalokohan sa buhay...
at pinagtritripan ko sya about dun.. bwahaha...
But who cares.. Buhay nya yan...
kanya kanyang trip lang yan,...
kaya i dont judge him..
kasi i dont have the right naman dba...
at Trip nya un.. kaya dedma lang....

Ronnel...
pinakaGwapo!...hahaha...
di paman kami ganun katagal magkasama
compare kay Aris at Yuan...
pero masaya ako w/ him...
sarap nya din kasi pagtripan.. hehe...
ganun lang kasi talaga ako maglambing sa kanila...
basta isa syang tubong Bataan na napadpad sa Olongapo
upang tuparin ang kanyang mga pangarap...