Goodbye July

Hey hey... its been a month na pala..

since i started blogging again..

and the whole month of July is full of drama..

puro nalang doreimon.. doreimon...

its been a nice month for me..

kahit nagkasakit ako ng ilang days..

and sobrang broke lang ng bulsa ko...

dahil ang dami kong absent sa work.. but hey!...

its just money.. i dont get stressed my self too much

involving money...

So i hope August would be amazing and please lang...

sana wala ng drama,...

im trying to avoid doreimon naman na...

hanggang sa maabot ng sarili ko..

and August... no more sex and playtimes...

i will be much better person this coming month..

no more sex and flings.. just a usual post..

happenings  on my daily gay life.. even if its..

drama.. love... drama.. kalokohan.. etc..

its still me.. Csar!... 

FEELER?!!

eto nanaman ako..

back to doreimon.. before July ends...

seriously i really want to end up everything even our friendship..

madaling isipin at sabihin pero ang hirap gawin.. hayst..

specially pag nakikita mo na sya at pag laumalapit sya sakin..

ang hirap magpretend...

but hey... ang hirap kasi pag bumigay nanaman ako..

naku.. FEELER NANAMAN YUN...

he thinks na madali nya lang ako maamo...

which is ganun naman talaga ako..

i dont put up a tampuhan for too long..

lalo na pag inaproach na ko nung tao..

Hay... ewan ko ba.. nature ko na ata talaga yun..

anyway... i told him before na magreresign ako 

pag kinausap nya ko or nilapitan..

pero naku hayan nanaman sya!!...

di talaga mkaintindi yun..

pero sweet padin kasi his reaching out padin sakin..

kahit na alam nyang love na love ko sya...

hay ewan,... Ginayuma ata ako nun.. ( FEELER KA NANAMAN!!!)

kung ibang tao siguro yun.. naku im sure nilayuan na ko nun..

but sa kanya ko lang kasi talaga nafelt yung feelings na ganto..

malas lang he cant love me back.. kasi nga

his not like me.. which is a big disappointment..

but im not assuming naman...

thats why umiiwas ako para maovercome yung feelings..

kaso mahirap talaga...

yesterday after work..

his begging na wag ko daw sayangin yung mga moments

namin as a friend...

pero look! sya ba kasi yung nahihirapan...

ako diba.. ako,.. ako na walang malay!!! (ate V mode??)

nakakatouch lang kasi he still care dun sa pinagsamahan namin..

na trinesure ko naman talaga..

his a great guy.. sobra... 

kaso my tampo ako sa kanya kasi

he dont trust me 100%..

yun nalang siguro yung ayaw ko sa kanya..

but the rest.. Ok naman..

kasalanan ko din naman siguro..

kasi nga.. dahil dun sa french fries secret.. hay..

its not a big deal naman kasi.. alam naman halos laahat 

yung about dun...

oo madaldal ako.. but i really kept others secret...

once its very personal at di parang joke lang...

kaya yun lang matatampo ko sa kanya..

hay... iiwas padin ako as much as possible..

kahit pretend lang lahat...

kahit na alam ko na di ako natutuwa sa ginagawa ko sa 

pangdedma sa kanya..

di naman kasi kami ganon..

kaso hindi nya na kasi ako sinasamahan..

di na kami tulad ng dati...

sasabihin nya dun daw sya matutulog sa apartment..

syempre di ako pumapayag.. kahit gusto ko naman

sya patulugin don...

kasi yung sa totoo lang..

natatakot ako sa apartment kasi magisa lang ako...

as in napupuyat ako...

waitig for him.. na SURPRISE!...

na bigla nalang sya dadating...

kahit sinabi ko na di sya pede matulog dun..

pero pupunta padin sya..

kaso his not like that ehhh,,

kahit alam nya naman na wala ako kasama dun..

pero ano ba ako..

im not that important to him naman...

mas pipiliin pa nun magdota...

badtrip talaga yun...

naalala ko tuloy..

yung sabi nya na sasamahan nya ko sa bahay..

pero di sya pumunta...

ewan pero umiyak ako nun..

kasi nga natatakot talaga ako magisa...

pero yun...

nakatulog nalang ako...

hay ewan.. ayoko naman na pilitin yung tao

pag ayaw naman na sakin...

nakakamiss tuloy...

yung pancit canton together...

gala gala together..

kain kung saan saan together..

wala na lahat yun..

he ignores me nadin sa work.. most of the times..

kasi nga my kasama na syang bago...

parang si alyssa lang yan dati..

parang si Jhane lang din dati..

ngayon ako...

madali sya magpalit ng tropa...

ganun  nakikita ko sa kanya...

sana makita nya din yun sa sarili nya...

FEELER!!!!!

NO!

Last night i check my planetromeo account..
and usually everytime i check in...
ang dami ng message the past 15 palang..
god.. ganun naba ako kaindemand???!
nakakataas ng self confidence huh..
even though i know im not that cute bunny type (pahumble...)
i got messages from different gayguys..
and im so bored last night i check every messages..
which is commonly looking for sex and hookups nanaman...

Pero as i told on my last post..
Playtimes over...
so hindi ako nakipagsex last night even though its my day off..
plus i made a promise to myself...
im controlling my temptation... im like a goddamn vampire...
begging to drink or taste a drop of blood.
i know this is not easy...
but its for good nadin, which is alam ko it will
make me a better person..
much amazing... and more good image..

anyway.. im having good time with my new friend..
the FB guy that i go with...
we have some difference padin naman...
and nagsisimba na ko.. hehe..
thanks to him..
plus were planning to go to the gym by september..
were Gym Buddies now.. im sure im getting hotter...
and ayun.. we have same taste when it comes sa outfits..
plus pareho kaming cute.. perfect friends that i really looking for...
Lets face it we live in a PHYSICAL WORLD...
kya dapat make your self good looking as possible diba..
kung di ka ganun kacute di ka mapapansin...
Physical Look comes first before the smooth emotions right...

but hey.. my Love is Blind pa naman,..
it really excist... PROVEN!!!
remember nabiktima na ko ng Love is Blind na yan...
so my pagasa ka padin if u dont have the full package...

hay na ko.. baka binabasa nanaman ng feeler na yun.. tong blog ko..
if i know... :{

so ill put him on my next post after this..

thats all.. no more hookups... time to change for the better...

Stop!

Some people may think im a SLUT, PLAYER, PALIPAT LIPAT...

but my storya naman sa lahat lahat kung bakit ba ginagawa 

yun ng isang tao...

Nahurt na din ako once...

as in WASAK!.. SAKITTTT!!... sobra...

na nagtrigger sakin na maging malandi.. pokpokin.. slut bitch!...

its a BAD ROMACE... a very  very bad romace..

kaya naman nadala ako..

i never trust when it comes to love...

kasi nga nadala na...

so irealized everybody is playing around..

just want sex and one night stands...

so i just played there games...

specially in my world...

puro laro lang ang lahat..

its hard to find the right one..

but i realized its been a year.. year...

so i think its time to stop playing around..

no more one night stands or anything related to sex..

and change partners every week or months?!!!!

i need to change...

its time to change..

I'm going to find my way back into Love..

and trust another guy once again..

and i hope i'll find him along the way..

it will take time.. and effort...

but i will not be hasty when it comes to it...

and NO MORE SEX and Sleepovers...

ill just use my Fucking hand!! haha :DD

and wait for the right guy to touch it once again w/ 

Love and seduction.. :3

So medyo medyo mabuburo muna tayo... haha

I swear... Time na... Stop na.... Playtimes OVER!

Experiment 626

Bored and sick...

Bitches!

seriously most of my friends are BICTHES!!

and heres my list...

1. KAT 

i guess shes the mother of all the bitches i ever met.. sya yung nagturo samin ni Karen being

wild and free.. sobrang bitch nya lang.. at sobrang family oriented!!

I met her in my school sobrang friendly nya lakas makabad influence and 

ayun  ako naman tong si kaladkarin nakaladkad ni gaga...

sya na yung lasenggera party animal na nakilala ko sa lahat lahat ng naging bessy ko..

and i miss her so much.. ewan ko ba nagpakalilo din kasi si gaga late 2011 na ata..

nakakamiss din pangangaladkad nya sakin for gimiks, party and everything...

2. Christian (Rattle Snake)

god!! wla ako msabe sa ahas na to.. haha..

lets say nalang ako yung pokpok na palagi nalang my different guys na kasama every gimiks.

and sya yung pokpok na mahilig mangagaw.. haha.. i guess mas malakas talaga yung charm nya sakin.

remember my last post late 2010.. sya si flirt no.1 

http://bakitchan.blogspot.com/2010/12/broken.html

but christian is a good friend specially during your down needs...

basta usapang lovelife... at katangahan... naku jan magaling si Christian!..

kaso di na kami ganon masyado naguusap kasi busy busy nadin sa work..

3. Karen

Siraulo sa lahat lahat... ng friend karen will always be the special one..

schoolmate ko sya during college.. and because friends of friends ayun naging close kami

and after college were still close padin..

sya yung psychotic bitch na kung ano anong kaaabnormalan yung pinaggagawa sa buhay...

she even convinced me to stop school na and magwork nalang so ayun kaya stress ako ngayon sa work..

haha.. but shes living in US na.. and i miss her nadin.. why most of my friends are leaving na.. huhu..

4. Ahsia

Pinakaabnormal and sobrang family oriented !!!

shes one of my closest even now...

di nawala yung friendship namin...

meron syang attitude na di makuha ng iba,...

na halos kami lang ni karen nakakaride sa ugali nya.,..

hahaha...

shes masaya naman kasama.. and sobrang kaladkarin din..

schoolmate ko sya before and i remember nagkasundo kami

dahil my inaway kami na teacher sa NSTP..

kasi sobrang kurakot nya lang.. haha..

5. Janine

shes my closest friend right now...

and i even left my last partner because of her!! i hate her so much!!!

(just kidding) thats how much i love this bitch!!.

kaya ko iwan pati jowa ko for the sake of our friendship...

i even remember the last time na nagaway kami because of a guy..

na nabaliw sya.. haha...

and ayun lang talaga pinagawayan namin,.,

kasi nagwoworry ako for her dahil nga its a wrong guy!..

nagkakilala kami sa work and made us closer even nung nagresign na sya,,

halos dun na sya nakatira sa apartment ko...

and sya lang yung nagiisang kong friend na ginawa kong bangko!.. haha

I miss it

i miss home so much...
i remember everytime i feel bored or i wake up early in the morning before school..
palagi kong kinukuha yung cam ko to take shot yung surroundings sa outside my windows...
and i un nagmesmerize nanaman ako...
and i feel sad nanaman kasi namimis ko din yung daily routine ko before back at home...

Inspire

Ok.. finally i made a choice na...
im ready na to give up my current job...
stress nadin kasi ako dun plus im looking forward na
i fulltime na yung odesk as a web researcher and data encoder..
im just waiting to get hired for full time position like 40-60 hours/week..
plus dollar rate dun.. and nasa bahay kalang..
and weekly ang sahuran.. no taxe's and deduction..
ung deduction ko dun ung sa bank transfer lang na cost around 99.00 pesos.. hehe
so yun... kaya almost a week nadin akong absent sa work ko..
dahil nadin nga nasstress ako dun sa isang tao pag nakikita ko..
haha... pero wala naman na sakin yun... FINALLY!!!
nagetover nadin ako... but stress padin pag naririnig ko boses nya
or yung maaninag ko lang sya..
ewan ko ba dun... naging BITTER SWEET talaga yung ending..
atleast my mapagmamalaki na sya dba.. na mya nalaglag sa kanya...
Beki nga lang.. haha.. FEELER SYA HA!!!!
so for now.. Erase Erase Erase.. and focus for a better future and opportunity!!!

SOBRANG HAPPY NA KO...
overwhelmed and inspired for my future na.. hehe..

and last night lumabas kami ni new friend yung sa FB..
naghangout lang kami.. were closed friends na...
after i lost the other one my pumalit naman agad dba...
haha.. blessed padin ako after all..

Attached

ilang araw nadin akong absent because im not ok..

sa family sa work.. and everything...

maghapon lang ako nakahiga ... watch movie... 

sobrang silent lang ng life ko this fast few days...

thank god.. my new member kami sa apartment..

si mam arian...

ayun kulit lang ni mam... 

and i realized stop na...

no more self fittynes!

and tomorrow pasok nanaman...

hirap talga maattached masyado sa tao...

nakakastressssss..

hay Gudluck..

Drama

Fine... blinock ko na sya...
gusto ko na putulin lahat ng connection namin...
nahihirapan kasi ako sa nararamdaman ko..

ayoko gawin lahat to..
kasi wala naman sya gnwang masama sakin...
bukod sa nagbago na sya..
or nasanay lang talga ako sa dati na palagi kaming magkasama...
kaya nagiging ganto ako...
pero ang hirap kasi...
di ko na malabanan ung weird feeling na yun..
mas ok na ako na ung lumayo kaysa one day
marealize ko na di nya na talaga ako sinasamahan or everything..
namimiss ko din yung dating sya..
the two of us... ung ok pa kami ni doreimon...

kaya naman ayoko masyadong naaattached sa isang tao na
wala namang pakiramdam...
na kaylanagan mo pa iexplain sa kanya lahat...
na ganito ka kasi.. ganyan .. ano.. basta...
hindi pa sya ganun siguro kamature para marealize un..
i thought pa naman were gonna be really good closed friends...
pero ganto pa ending...
naapektuhan na buhay ko sa araw araw...

mahal ko na ata talaga yun...
ngayon lang nangyari sa akin yung mga gantong feeling eh...
ehh.. bat sa maling tao pa... badtrip naman kasi!!!!..
i tested kung mawawala ung feeling na yun..
pero HINDI... hindi nawala.. nanjan lang...
ang hirap itago...
kaya nga mas ok na ako nalang ung mawala..
kasi ako naman ung may problema...

im having problems with my dad..
and sagad sagad na problema ko..
ayoko na syang idagdag pa..
ang dami k ng pinagdaanan...
ayokong madagdagan pa.. kasi di din naman ako
ganon ka strong na tao...
mahina din ako...
thats why im always leaving...
palagi nalang ako suko...
palagi nalang ako ung umaalis..
or ako yung iniiwin ng mga tao...
masyado na kong dramatic pero ganun naman talaga ako...
pero di ko pinapakita sa real world..
dito ko na nga lang nalalabas ung dramatic side ko...
ung totoo.. sobrang sad ng life.. ko... sobrang depressing...
pero humaharap padin ako na nakangiti and happy person
sa harap ng ibang tao..

after nung drama ko with my dad.. 2 weeks ago na ata..
another delema nanaman with doreimon...
hindi matatapos to hanggat di talaga ako umaalis..
hay....... drama.....

For the First Time

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart, 
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar, 
And we don't know how, 
How we got into this mad situation, 
Only doing things out of frustration, 
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard, 

She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time, 
I've got a new job now on the unemployment line, 
And we don't know how, 
How we got into this mess is this a gods test? 
Someone help us cause we're doing our best (best) 
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

But we're gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine, 
Sit talking up all night, 
Saying things we haven't for a while
A while ya
We're smiling but we're close to tears, 
Even after all these years, 
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Oh these times are hard, 
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

Oh these times are hard, 
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

Oh these times are hard, 
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

Oh these times are hard, 
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

.......................................

masyado nang complicated...

nahihirapan na ko.. pretender talaga ako.

but... suko na ko eh...

ayoko na... i wanna move on na..

kung di kana masaya sa isang sitwasyon..

its better to leave....

mamimiss ko mga kawork ko and everything..

lets say its a new chapter... nanaman...

wala namn kasing permanente sa mundo 

bukod sa permanent marker..???

but ndi naman ako nagmamadali...

im still searching and waiting for a new opportunity,,

i guess kaya ko naman.. after all the crazy thing i been through...

pero nakakalungkot padin...

sobrang tanga ko kasi.. hay....

Baby Sister

Recently i found out...
my dad's new live in partner...
nanganak na!!!...
and its a girl... ung totoo my baby sister na ko???!!
i want to feel bad...
kasi nga im not ready for any situations like this...
hello??!! 2 yrs palang sila hiwalay!!,,, ung totoo...
pero di ko din naman sila mapipigilan dba??
anu gusto nila gawin bahala sila...
basta ako nasa tahimik na...
but sabi ng tita ko...
i should check out padin daw.. w/ my new sister..
hello!!?? eh hindi nga kami ok ni dad.. with my last
meet up with him...
kasi naman di ko sinabi kay tita na nagkita kami ni dad..
at di ok ung paguusap namin.. sobrang worst..
na ayaw ko nang isipin at pagusapan pa...
nalulungkot lang ako..
dapat happy and glamorous padin.. :D

anyway.. sabi nga ni tita ako daw magreach out..
at wag ko daw idamay ung bata dahil wala namn sya alam
sa lahat ng nangyayari,,,
but oo nga naman.. hindi ko naman sya idadamay.,..
basta ako nasa tahimik na.. at mananahimik nalang
saka ayoko na ipagsiksikan ung sarili ko
sa pamilyang ayaw naman na sakin.. dba..
plus.. nanjan naman ung little brother ko..
na kahit adopted sya.. sobrang sobrang love na love ko..
na parang kadugo ko talaga...
but cute din naman ung baby sister... haha...
pangarap ko din un..
but with a different mom??!!! seriously.,..
basta.. iisipin ko nalang ung katulad sa situation ni janine...
like her sister na di naman sila same ng mom..
but ganun padin sila kaclose.. dba???
so thanks to janine and her sister... my inspiration
ako for this kind of situation.. hehe :D

New Buddy

yey... i got a new friend.... hehe,.,,

ung sa fb... ung nagmemessage sakin palagi...

were friends na... atleast now meron na ulit ako kasa kasama

sa galaan with my own kind... haha...

iba padin kasi kabonding mo ung person almost like u...

same interest and evrything...

i think magiging BESTFRIEND kami.. haha..!!

and maghahangout kami sa dayoff ko...

im sure this is gonna be fun...

White Party

Godd... my white party this coming 29!.. im so excited...
umatend na ko sa gayguy party before... 2 yrs ago na ata...
pink party naman!..
and shet enjoy!...
i hope my mameet ako new friends and buds..sa party na yan,.,
excited much ..
problem is...
i dont know susuutin ko??!!

Facebook Echos

OK!.. enough with the drama...
so here we go back with teh kalandian session...
i got this messages from facebook...
maybe around 1 week nadin syang nagmemessage even nung kami pa ni ex...
kaya naman di ko sya pinapansin..
but lately madalas ang pagmemessage ng halifarot....
so inentertaine na ng lola nyo... haha...
his nice naman... ung totoo??! di ko pa nga sya kilala
at wala pa naman kaming long conversation, because di
kami nagpapang abot pag online ako..
so wala ako masabi with this guy...
and he gave me his no.!!! Goshhh??? so easily??!
obviously naman type nya ko... di ba halata?!
so i was thinking if itetext ko sya...
but im not looking for a new commitment na...
actually gusto ko nga magpahinga kung pede 1 yr.! haha
kasi nga nasanay nadin akong single.. mas nageenjoy ako ng ganun
ung status... kaya pala daming single sa earth.. mas enjoy!.. wahaha

pero kung gusto nya for friends.??
why not.. friendly naman ako sa mga taong nagrireach out sakin..
mas masaya din naman kasama ung tulad ko..
kasi same lang kami ng hilig... (lalake...??)
haha.. hindi naman yun...
like gala... shopping.. food trips.. formahan.. events,,. party etc,..
basta... gusto ko din magka closed friend na gayguy
na halos same sa trip ko...
plus nagsisiibang bansa na mga best friends ko...
i need some replacements... haha...
para makasama for gigz and glams...
so un.. hope makilala ko sya in the right time..
for now... medyo busy.. sa work at tulog..
plus his studying graduating na ata based on his profile..
so un another chapter nanaman...
no more kalandian.. please lang...
kapokpokan pede pa..
everyone need organic needs.. diba??!!!!
hahaha :DDDD

Doreimon

my times na nagagalit tayo sa isang tao...

and hindi  na natin napipigilan ung imosyon natin...

at kung ano ano na nasasabi natin sa tao kasi nga galit tayo..

pero at the end of the day sya padin ung taong nagpapasaya satin...

sya padin ung nagpapatawa satin at yung totoo love na love natin ung

taong yun kahit bwisit na bwisit pa tayo...

kaya nga LOVE NA LOVE KITA doreimon!...

Sorry na... wag na magalit :)

i know hindi ka ganun... 

Bloggers Note:

shet ug totoo DRAMATIC NA TONG BLOG KO...

balita ko puro kalandian at kapokpokan lang dapat laman nito ah!!! :P

3D

Last week we watch ice age 4 on 3d...

it was a fun experience kasi kasama ko si janine , doreimon and Heinz...

si heinz actually like nya si janine so... its unusual gala...

yung totoo boto ako kay heinz para kay janine..

kaso to si janine.. di naman sa ayaw si heinz...

di pa ready for a new relationship...

so yun tengga lang tong si heinz...

sobrang bait ni ketchup aka heinz...

wala ako masabi sa guy na un kaya nga botong boto ako dun..

plus di na uso trophy bf sa panahon ngaun.. hehe..

basta i can only tell wag syang susuko! fight! fight! fight!

so back to the cinema...

medyo lugi ung 3d kasi naman 1 1/2 hour lang ata ung movie!

so unfair dba???!

pero masaya naman ice age movies are part of my childhood!

so di ko papalampasin tong ice age 4...

so after the movie wala kaming mapuntahan so we play ps3 nalang sa
kung saang computer shop...
and tong si janine nawawala ung wallet...
so mulala... naiwan nya ata sa cinema...
so balik naman kami dun.. and yun nasa lost and found nga....

after the lost and found session kumain kami sa whympis...
i ordered burger and spaghetti... and the other 2 guys same lang sa order ko..
to namang si ja? diet ata.. sandwich lang inorder di pa naubos??!
and daming nagugutom na mamayan ng pilipinas.. jusmiyo!

so ayun.. it ended up nung hinatid na nila ako sa bahay.. then sleep after...
but still nagenjoy ako.. kahit di sya ganun ka extraordinary..

Good News

a Friend of mine message me on facebook..
ayun his asking if want ko daw magwork sa manila
muntinlupa area..

im not sure because i want a stable job nga naman...
pero i'll try.. i'll pass my resume this week...
and if they call and i passed the interview... why not??!

i guess sign nadin to para umalis sa work ko..
kasi nga nahihirapan na ko sa sitwasyon dun...
ayoko na talaga nakikita yung taong yun...
IM HATING HIM SO MUCH!!!!

GO AWAY

Seriously im sad....

i feel im loosing real friends sa work...

specially doreimon... 

hindi nya na ko ganun sinasamahan or ganun kasama

most of the days during breaktime or work hours..

ayoko naman iopen kay janine to kasi

i dont wanna share it kasi ano.. basta...

nagbago na sya...

nagbago na si doreimon...

sobra.... as in sobra...

his not the usual friend i used to know...

i guess kasalanan ko din naman kasi nahulog ako sa kanya

or any reason kung bakit sya nagkakaganon...

i just feel so sad na minsan na piFEEL ko na magisa nalang

ako sa work...

ito hirap sakin eh...

masyado ako naaatached with my friends..

and actually sobrang boring ng work ko...

and sobrang boring nadin ng paligid ko...

i feel so alone... kahit my nakakasama ako sa ngayon na ibang workmates..

mas nageenjoy naman na sya kay Reyzhel...

im not jelous naman with reyzhel..

shes cool.. mabait... sobra...

ok naman sya... hindi ko dapat sya pagselosan...

ano ako jowa???!!! (seryoso :\ )

plus im just a friend...

sabi nya nga madali syang makalimot..

i guess nandun na kami sa point na yun...

naiirita ako sa kanya...

wala naman syang pakiramdam...

sobrang sama ng ugali nya...

SOBRAAAAAAAAAAA......

sya na selfish!...

i guess ganon naman talaga..

everybody leaves ...

just like my parents do...

gustong gusto ko na magresign....

as in gusto ko na umalis sa trabaho ko...

nahihirapan nadin kasi ako sa sitwasyon ko dun..

specially with doreimon...

ewan ko pero nasstress ako sa kanya...

while sya ayun.. ang saya saya nya.!!

Fuck!!!

sana di ko nalang talaga sya nakilala...

kaysa nagkakaganto ako...

im loosing my focus on  my normal usual life...

Gusto ko na MAGRESIGN! mawala lang sya sa paligid ko..

pero mas lalo lang ako masasaktan nun...

ang weird....

im HATING HIM SO MUCH...

but nagreregret ako.. if ginawa ko yun...

sana MAWALA NALANG SYA!!!

Bon Voyage

Kung pede lang maging selfish... why not...

but the problem is.. im not like that...

July 10...

i will never forget that night...

sobrang saya ng gabing yun.. kung pede lang

di na matapos ung gabi,... di ko na talaga tatapusin...

my current partner... Jay...

nagdate kami nung july 10...

we watch movie together... and chill sa bar after..

ang dami naming pinagusapan...

personal things.. family... friends.. and many more...

ang sarap nya talaga kausap.. yun na siguro

yung no.1 asset nya bakit ako nagkainterest sa kanya the first day we met...

but... 

my inopen sya sakin... thats why i made a choice...

his moving to US na.. maybe next month. sasakay sya ng barko kasi nga

sea maritime.. tinapos nya...

its not his choice daw...

wala nga daw sa mga plano nya na magbarko for now..

but ayaw nya naman umasa sa parents nya forever..

he need a job...

but pede ko naman daw sya pigilan.. if i want,..

he can stay here and find a regular job in my city

if gusto ko daw..

but...

one thing comes on my mind...

mas pipiliin ko bang magstay sya dito at maghirap sa pilipinas...

while ung opportunity nya sa US.. nanjan na...

or magpapakaselfish ako na magstay dito...

pra lang makasama ko sya...

hindi pa naman ganon kalaki yung foundation namin..

and i want a better future for him...

ayoko masira ung bright future nya sa US...

ng dahil sakin.. ayoko ng ganun...

plus.. im not good in long distance relationship...

so im sure di kami magwowork out pag dating nya sa US...

So  i made a choice...

july .. friday the 13th...

I broke up with him...

and i explain everything on text.. (im so mean)

and ayaw nya makipaghiwalay...

im so unfair daw... blah.. blah.. blah...

but ayaw nya makinig...

so pinatay ko cellphone ko. 1 day nadin..

im trying to be ok...

masakit din naman sakin ung decision nayun..

its not easy for me...

plus isa pa sa mga reason.. ko...

i want to spend more time with my friends...

specially janine... nasanay nadin ako sa set up..

hanging out with friends most of the time...

so next week maybe day off... maguusap kami.. 

to settle everything down..

goodluck.. 

DEDMA!

Its been a hard day at work...
too much stress..
too much stress..
STress..
so eto nanaman tayo,,
its all about doreimon nanaman..

after the tampuhan away namin yesterday..
pagpasok ko palang sa production area..
i saw him again.. sitting on the other station..
hmmm.. i was like.. yan pala gusto mo huh.. OK fine..
so for the last 1 hour na nakahiwalay sya sakin..
my attention was distracted by our team lead..
meeting.. nanaman...

and yun nagstart yung meeting..
with stress... etc. etc....
and pinaiwan kaming dalawa ni doreimon w/ my
team lead... (shet!)
after nga naman ng eksena batuhan yesterday...
mapapansin talaga kami ni sr..

so he was asking kung ano daw ba problema namin..
i said wala.. kahit obvious na obvious naman na meron...

so nagsalita nalang si sr..

"kung pede wag nyong dalin dito sa trabaho personal issues nyo.."
"PBB TEENS??? (lokoloko TL ko i swear)"

and ikaw doreimon wag mo ng uuliting umuwi ng walang
paalam.. kung di pa kita nakita... im sure umuwi kana...
bibigyan kita talaga ng memo abandonment at work...
gusto mo ba yun.. huh...!
sige bumalik kana dun sa station mo..
at ikaw chan... maiwan ka dito..

so ayun kinausap nga ako ni sr. at oo nalang ako ng oo...

"chan.. alisin mo yang mga nagdidistract sa focus mo need kita ngayon at
my problema prject natin.. alam mo kung sino nangugulo jan sa utak
mo... iwasan mo muna yan.. pati quality mo naapektuhan jan...
kilala kita.. di kanaman ganyan before.. kya ibalik mo yung dating ikaw
magfocus kalang.. kalimutan mo yan pag sa trabaho ok..."


ayun nga nastresss ako kay sr. pero my point nga naman sya...
kaya naman nagfocus lang ako kanina sa work..
dedmaham talaga kami ni doreimon kanina...
but nahuhuli ko syang tumitingin sakin minsan minsan,,
pero dedma lang ako..

hanggang uwian..
sabay sabay kami w/ my shift...
pero di ko talga sya pinapansin,,
mas ok na yung ganto.. dba..

so after work as in now...
right at this moment..
nagonline ako..
fb.. fb...
and nagmessage sya...
(seriously di ko expected na sya unang bibigay)
(taas kaya pride ko pero yung totoo nanghihina pag dating sa panget na to)
ewan ko ba!!! shet namen!

FB CONVERSATION

Doreimon:

chan...715 Divided by 5??

Me: 

use ur calculator..

Doreimon: 

• 
  
  ala nga ihh
• dali naglalag kac
  
  
  Me:
  
  
  start menu>all programs>accessories> CALCULATOR
  
  
  Doreimon: 
  
  
  • naglalag nga
  • bilisss
    
    
    Me:
    
    143
    
    Doreimon:
    
    
    missyou tooo :)))
    galit ka parin.?
    hoy
    
    
    so ayun... di ko na sya nireplayan..

    haha.. ang korni kasi...

    mukang tanga..

    ska ang pride... ang pride.. 

    plus.. ayoko mastress sa trabaho.. katamad kaya yun..

    
    

    goodluck sakin tomorrow... sana same set-up!
    
    
  
  
  
  
  
  

LET IT GO

Today its been a hard day...
Nagkaron kami ng tampuhan ni Doreimon...
and its all because of money.. how stupid!
sobra akong naooffend sa sinabi nya...
dahil medyo sensitive din ako today because
nakipagkita ako sa dad ko yesterday night...
and hindi naging maganda paguusap namin...
after a 1 1/2 yr.. kagabi lang ulit kami nagusap...
and ganun pa mangyayari.. i guess i have no family to go
anymore.. all by myself na talaga drama ng buhay ko..(fuck yeah)

anyway.. back on top...
sa sobrang bwisit ko...
binato ko lahat ng pera ko kay doreimon...
ewan sobrang immature ng ginawa ko...
plus.. wala din kasi ako mapaglabasan
ng galit ko w/ my dad...
so sya na lahat ng sumalo... :(
but i realized..
mas ok na lumayo na ko kay doreimon..
for my good nadin naman..
kasi to be  honest...
meron at meron padin...
maliit na part ng heart ko para sa kanya..
(oo ako na Peebeebee Teens)

pero... pinagisipan ko...
how i could forget the guy kung dikit ako ng dikit sa kanya...
i guess its time to end this kabaliwan.. and farely secret feeling,,
kasi HELLO???? ang daming iba jan...
message ng message sakin..
plus my partner na ko...
so bakit ba ako magaaksaya ng panahon kay doreimon..

siguro tinamaan lang talaga ako sa
mokong na yun...
but atleast nauntog nadin ako...

im barely .. i mean really sure,, na tama NA...
i should stop na...totally move on,..
and forget the connection.. for good nadin...

so i have to let you GO!... :((((