Goodbye July

Hey hey... its been a month na pala..

since i started blogging again..

and the whole month of July is full of drama..

puro nalang doreimon.. doreimon...

its been a nice month for me..

kahit nagkasakit ako ng ilang days..

and sobrang broke lang ng bulsa ko...

dahil ang dami kong absent sa work.. but hey!...

its just money.. i dont get stressed my self too much

involving money...

So i hope August would be amazing and please lang...

sana wala ng drama,...

im trying to avoid doreimon naman na...

hanggang sa maabot ng sarili ko..

and August... no more sex and playtimes...

i will be much better person this coming month..

no more sex and flings.. just a usual post..

happenings  on my daily gay life.. even if its..

drama.. love... drama.. kalokohan.. etc..

its still me.. Csar!... 

FEELER?!!

eto nanaman ako..

back to doreimon.. before July ends...

seriously i really want to end up everything even our friendship..

madaling isipin at sabihin pero ang hirap gawin.. hayst..

specially pag nakikita mo na sya at pag laumalapit sya sakin..

ang hirap magpretend...

but hey... ang hirap kasi pag bumigay nanaman ako..

naku.. FEELER NANAMAN YUN...

he thinks na madali nya lang ako maamo...

which is ganun naman talaga ako..

i dont put up a tampuhan for too long..

lalo na pag inaproach na ko nung tao..

Hay... ewan ko ba.. nature ko na ata talaga yun..

anyway... i told him before na magreresign ako 

pag kinausap nya ko or nilapitan..

pero naku hayan nanaman sya!!...

di talaga mkaintindi yun..

pero sweet padin kasi his reaching out padin sakin..

kahit na alam nyang love na love ko sya...

hay ewan,... Ginayuma ata ako nun.. ( FEELER KA NANAMAN!!!)

kung ibang tao siguro yun.. naku im sure nilayuan na ko nun..

but sa kanya ko lang kasi talaga nafelt yung feelings na ganto..

malas lang he cant love me back.. kasi nga

his not like me.. which is a big disappointment..

but im not assuming naman...

thats why umiiwas ako para maovercome yung feelings..

kaso mahirap talaga...

yesterday after work..

his begging na wag ko daw sayangin yung mga moments

namin as a friend...

pero look! sya ba kasi yung nahihirapan...

ako diba.. ako,.. ako na walang malay!!! (ate V mode??)

nakakatouch lang kasi he still care dun sa pinagsamahan namin..

na trinesure ko naman talaga..

his a great guy.. sobra... 

kaso my tampo ako sa kanya kasi

he dont trust me 100%..

yun nalang siguro yung ayaw ko sa kanya..

but the rest.. Ok naman..

kasalanan ko din naman siguro..

kasi nga.. dahil dun sa french fries secret.. hay..

its not a big deal naman kasi.. alam naman halos laahat 

yung about dun...

oo madaldal ako.. but i really kept others secret...

once its very personal at di parang joke lang...

kaya yun lang matatampo ko sa kanya..

hay... iiwas padin ako as much as possible..

kahit pretend lang lahat...

kahit na alam ko na di ako natutuwa sa ginagawa ko sa 

pangdedma sa kanya..

di naman kasi kami ganon..

kaso hindi nya na kasi ako sinasamahan..

di na kami tulad ng dati...

sasabihin nya dun daw sya matutulog sa apartment..

syempre di ako pumapayag.. kahit gusto ko naman

sya patulugin don...

kasi yung sa totoo lang..

natatakot ako sa apartment kasi magisa lang ako...

as in napupuyat ako...

waitig for him.. na SURPRISE!...

na bigla nalang sya dadating...

kahit sinabi ko na di sya pede matulog dun..

pero pupunta padin sya..

kaso his not like that ehhh,,

kahit alam nya naman na wala ako kasama dun..

pero ano ba ako..

im not that important to him naman...

mas pipiliin pa nun magdota...

badtrip talaga yun...

naalala ko tuloy..

yung sabi nya na sasamahan nya ko sa bahay..

pero di sya pumunta...

ewan pero umiyak ako nun..

kasi nga natatakot talaga ako magisa...

pero yun...

nakatulog nalang ako...

hay ewan.. ayoko naman na pilitin yung tao

pag ayaw naman na sakin...

nakakamiss tuloy...

yung pancit canton together...

gala gala together..

kain kung saan saan together..

wala na lahat yun..

he ignores me nadin sa work.. most of the times..

kasi nga my kasama na syang bago...

parang si alyssa lang yan dati..

parang si Jhane lang din dati..

ngayon ako...

madali sya magpalit ng tropa...

ganun  nakikita ko sa kanya...

sana makita nya din yun sa sarili nya...

FEELER!!!!!

NO!

Last night i check my planetromeo account..
and usually everytime i check in...
ang dami ng message the past 15 palang..
god.. ganun naba ako kaindemand???!
nakakataas ng self confidence huh..
even though i know im not that cute bunny type (pahumble...)
i got messages from different gayguys..
and im so bored last night i check every messages..
which is commonly looking for sex and hookups nanaman...

Pero as i told on my last post..
Playtimes over...
so hindi ako nakipagsex last night even though its my day off..
plus i made a promise to myself...
im controlling my temptation... im like a goddamn vampire...
begging to drink or taste a drop of blood.
i know this is not easy...
but its for good nadin, which is alam ko it will
make me a better person..
much amazing... and more good image..

anyway.. im having good time with my new friend..
the FB guy that i go with...
we have some difference padin naman...
and nagsisimba na ko.. hehe..
thanks to him..
plus were planning to go to the gym by september..
were Gym Buddies now.. im sure im getting hotter...
and ayun.. we have same taste when it comes sa outfits..
plus pareho kaming cute.. perfect friends that i really looking for...
Lets face it we live in a PHYSICAL WORLD...
kya dapat make your self good looking as possible diba..
kung di ka ganun kacute di ka mapapansin...
Physical Look comes first before the smooth emotions right...

but hey.. my Love is Blind pa naman,..
it really excist... PROVEN!!!
remember nabiktima na ko ng Love is Blind na yan...
so my pagasa ka padin if u dont have the full package...

hay na ko.. baka binabasa nanaman ng feeler na yun.. tong blog ko..
if i know... :{

so ill put him on my next post after this..

thats all.. no more hookups... time to change for the better...

Stop!

Some people may think im a SLUT, PLAYER, PALIPAT LIPAT...

but my storya naman sa lahat lahat kung bakit ba ginagawa 

yun ng isang tao...

Nahurt na din ako once...

as in WASAK!.. SAKITTTT!!... sobra...

na nagtrigger sakin na maging malandi.. pokpokin.. slut bitch!...

its a BAD ROMACE... a very  very bad romace..

kaya naman nadala ako..

i never trust when it comes to love...

kasi nga nadala na...

so irealized everybody is playing around..

just want sex and one night stands...

so i just played there games...

specially in my world...

puro laro lang ang lahat..

its hard to find the right one..

but i realized its been a year.. year...

so i think its time to stop playing around..

no more one night stands or anything related to sex..

and change partners every week or months?!!!!

i need to change...

its time to change..

I'm going to find my way back into Love..

and trust another guy once again..

and i hope i'll find him along the way..

it will take time.. and effort...

but i will not be hasty when it comes to it...

and NO MORE SEX and Sleepovers...

ill just use my Fucking hand!! haha :DD

and wait for the right guy to touch it once again w/ 

Love and seduction.. :3

So medyo medyo mabuburo muna tayo... haha

I swear... Time na... Stop na.... Playtimes OVER!

Experiment 626

Bored and sick...

Bitches!

seriously most of my friends are BICTHES!!

and heres my list...

1. KAT 

i guess shes the mother of all the bitches i ever met.. sya yung nagturo samin ni Karen being

wild and free.. sobrang bitch nya lang.. at sobrang family oriented!!

I met her in my school sobrang friendly nya lakas makabad influence and 

ayun  ako naman tong si kaladkarin nakaladkad ni gaga...

sya na yung lasenggera party animal na nakilala ko sa lahat lahat ng naging bessy ko..

and i miss her so much.. ewan ko ba nagpakalilo din kasi si gaga late 2011 na ata..

nakakamiss din pangangaladkad nya sakin for gimiks, party and everything...

2. Christian (Rattle Snake)

god!! wla ako msabe sa ahas na to.. haha..

lets say nalang ako yung pokpok na palagi nalang my different guys na kasama every gimiks.

and sya yung pokpok na mahilig mangagaw.. haha.. i guess mas malakas talaga yung charm nya sakin.

remember my last post late 2010.. sya si flirt no.1 

http://bakitchan.blogspot.com/2010/12/broken.html

but christian is a good friend specially during your down needs...

basta usapang lovelife... at katangahan... naku jan magaling si Christian!..

kaso di na kami ganon masyado naguusap kasi busy busy nadin sa work..

3. Karen

Siraulo sa lahat lahat... ng friend karen will always be the special one..

schoolmate ko sya during college.. and because friends of friends ayun naging close kami

and after college were still close padin..

sya yung psychotic bitch na kung ano anong kaaabnormalan yung pinaggagawa sa buhay...

she even convinced me to stop school na and magwork nalang so ayun kaya stress ako ngayon sa work..

haha.. but shes living in US na.. and i miss her nadin.. why most of my friends are leaving na.. huhu..

4. Ahsia

Pinakaabnormal and sobrang family oriented !!!

shes one of my closest even now...

di nawala yung friendship namin...

meron syang attitude na di makuha ng iba,...

na halos kami lang ni karen nakakaride sa ugali nya.,..

hahaha...

shes masaya naman kasama.. and sobrang kaladkarin din..

schoolmate ko sya before and i remember nagkasundo kami

dahil my inaway kami na teacher sa NSTP..

kasi sobrang kurakot nya lang.. haha..

5. Janine

shes my closest friend right now...

and i even left my last partner because of her!! i hate her so much!!!

(just kidding) thats how much i love this bitch!!.

kaya ko iwan pati jowa ko for the sake of our friendship...

i even remember the last time na nagaway kami because of a guy..

na nabaliw sya.. haha...

and ayun lang talaga pinagawayan namin,.,

kasi nagwoworry ako for her dahil nga its a wrong guy!..

nagkakilala kami sa work and made us closer even nung nagresign na sya,,

halos dun na sya nakatira sa apartment ko...

and sya lang yung nagiisang kong friend na ginawa kong bangko!.. haha

I miss it

i miss home so much...
i remember everytime i feel bored or i wake up early in the morning before school..
palagi kong kinukuha yung cam ko to take shot yung surroundings sa outside my windows...
and i un nagmesmerize nanaman ako...
and i feel sad nanaman kasi namimis ko din yung daily routine ko before back at home...