LET IT GO

Today its been a hard day...
Nagkaron kami ng tampuhan ni Doreimon...
and its all because of money.. how stupid!
sobra akong naooffend sa sinabi nya...
dahil medyo sensitive din ako today because
nakipagkita ako sa dad ko yesterday night...
and hindi naging maganda paguusap namin...
after a 1 1/2 yr.. kagabi lang ulit kami nagusap...
and ganun pa mangyayari.. i guess i have no family to go
anymore.. all by myself na talaga drama ng buhay ko..(fuck yeah)

anyway.. back on top...
sa sobrang bwisit ko...
binato ko lahat ng pera ko kay doreimon...
ewan sobrang immature ng ginawa ko...
plus.. wala din kasi ako mapaglabasan
ng galit ko w/ my dad...
so sya na lahat ng sumalo... :(
but i realized..
mas ok na lumayo na ko kay doreimon..
for my good nadin naman..
kasi to be  honest...
meron at meron padin...
maliit na part ng heart ko para sa kanya..
(oo ako na Peebeebee Teens)

pero... pinagisipan ko...
how i could forget the guy kung dikit ako ng dikit sa kanya...
i guess its time to end this kabaliwan.. and farely secret feeling,,
kasi HELLO???? ang daming iba jan...
message ng message sakin..
plus my partner na ko...
so bakit ba ako magaaksaya ng panahon kay doreimon..

siguro tinamaan lang talaga ako sa
mokong na yun...
but atleast nauntog nadin ako...

im barely .. i mean really sure,, na tama NA...
i should stop na...totally move on,..
and forget the connection.. for good nadin...

so i have to let you GO!... :((((

Spark!

Back to my current Life

meron akong workmate...
lets call him "doreimon"...
and i fell inlove w/ this guy..
not totally fell inlove??! seriously? ayan nanaman ako?
lets say na FALL... wala pang Love... OK...!

and  ayun.. i fall w/ my friend...
but problem is .... "STRAIGHT SYA!!!!" (fuck!)

around march ata yun...
ilang months nadin akong nalipat sa night shift..
and naging close kami ni doreimon after
my closest friend janine.. fall din ata w/ the other guy???
kaya medyo nawalan kami ng time sa isat isa...
dun na pumasok sa mundo ko si doreimon...

His not that cute and hot! (YUNG TOTOO!!!)
after this naniwala na ko sa Love is Blind...
i mean Fall is Blind.. (play safe.. tae)
so ayun...
mabait naman sya and masarap kausap...
funny and makulit, actually isip bata.. haha...

we get so closed na umabot na ung time
na dun na sya natutulog sa apartment ko after work..
PLUS .. tabi kami sa Kama!!...
sabay kami kumain sa work..
magkatabi din kami ng computer sa work...
sabay umuwi..
gumagala kaming dalawa lang...
So how can you explain na di ako mapoFall sa Set up namin 24/7!!!
Si janine talaga sinisisi ko dito!
(if your'e reading this) haha...

so i Fall i fall w/ the wrong guy,,,
kasi i know life naman...
matagal na ko sa sirkilasyon,,,
kahit baliktarin mo pa ang mundo hindi maiinlove
sayo ang isang striaght guy kahit tawagin mo pa
lahat ng santo..!
maliban nalang kung my kaylangan lang sayo
malamang papatulan ka nun...

so sa everyday na set up namin i fall w/ doreimon,,
 and it hurts na alam mo na walang patutunguhan yung
nararamdaman mo...
kasi nga REALITY check!
NEWS FLASH!!!

"hindi hindi ka nya papatulan"

i tried everything para lang maovercome yung feelings ko sa kanya,.,
nakipagsex ako w. different gayguys in 5 Days...
para lang mawala ung weird feeling na yun..
kaso wala .. walang nangyare...
everyday ko sya nakikita,,,
12 hours a night...
ang hirap labanan nung PUSO.. (pbb teens?)
basta ang hirap...
so naghanap ako ng tulog...
syempre inuna ko na yung google..
so napapadpad ako sa eHOW.com
awkward... pero desperado na talaga ako...
kasi its killing me na...
baka maapektuhan na kasi pati trabaho ko..(pbb teens?)

pero infairness malaki natulong nieHow..
so i tried na umiwas nalang sa kanya,,,
pero ang weird kasi ganun kayo kaclose tapos
bigla kang bitter .. iwas iwas... space space?? (PBB TEENS)

so ayun i tried to iwas muna para mawala ung feelings
pero wala padin.. bangenge...

syempre nagtaka na sya kung ano problema ko..
kasi nga weird ng actions ko.. dba... sobrang epic fail...

so kinukulit kulit nya na ko...
pero dedmahan padin ako,.,
his asking ano daw ba problema my nagawa ba daw syang
kasalanan,,, sorry sya ng sorry...
ako naman tong .. dedma lang..
pero deep inside...
ang sakit,,., (ramdam ko tumatawa na kayo janine!)

pero nilabanan ko talaga .. matigas ako no..
i can control my emotions..
pero ung feeling... Wititit!! nganga...

the next morning,,,

i talked to janine...
and ayun sinabi ko na sa kanya lahat,,,
sya lang naman yung mapagsasabihan ko ng mga
ganung katangahan.. sa lahat lahat ng kawork ko...

so nagsuggest sya na tigilan na ung set up na tabi sa kama...
whatever..
so sinunod ko naman...

i tried na umiwas nadin...
and i think napapansin nya na...
na meron mali...

so i breaked down...
ang hirap kasi itago...
gusto ko maging honest to him...

sasabihin ko lang naman na my nararamdaman ako
para lang mawala ung dindala ko..
im not asking na ibalik nya ung nararamdaman ko..

relaity check nga and news flash!
dba.. ok nasakin ung friend lang kami..
masaya naman na ko dun...

so one lonely night...
his asking na.. kung ano daw ba problema ko..
pero ako to si tanga...

di ko sinabi.. nahihiya ako...
plus natatakot ako sa mga mangyayari,,
what if... iwasan nya na ko...
iwanan na ko sa ere..
what if.. puro na ko what if...

pero ithink naman na my hint na sya.. what is my problem ba talaga..

so kinausap nya si janine...
and asking ano daw ba problema ko...

and sabi ni janine...
kung ano ba ung nasiisip mo...
same dun sa iniisip ko...
 gusto mo ba marinig sa kanya...

so to end this short...

sinabi ko sa kanya.. and explain everything...
na i just want to be honest..
hindi ako humihingi ng kapalit..
and we stay as friends..

after ng aminan na yun...

mga 1 day din syang nailang sakin...
kahit sino naman!! pede ba???!!

pero after nun,,
mas lalo kaming naging close... much closer,,,

UNTIL NOW...

pero minsan ung spark...
ahmmm... ano... ganto.. kasi...
basta wala na!!! haha
di naman ako hoping!...

New Chapter

Its been a year since i posted on my blog...
and i have a confession..
Its been a year since i left home..
Yes... I left home... its complicated to tell you the whole story..
but to make it short ...
its another misunderstanding with my dad, so here i am... back again..
a dramatic childish bitch...
but old days pa yun..
nagbago na ko.. sobrang laki na ng pagbabago ko.
I learned so many things in Life since i left home.
im happy with my decision na umalis nalang talaga
dahil di ko na matiis dun sa bahay.
sumugal ako to get those colorfull peace of mind.. na matagal ko ng di natitikman.

From the the last whole year na umalis ako ng bahay...
i got a job.. and 1 yr. nadin ako dun now..
its not my nature and its so boring.. but i have no choice..
its the only stable source of income i could get..
but im waiting for chances...
i want a job that my skills could grow..
nakakpanghinayang lang i have a full pack of dreams during my study days.
ewan ko ba ano na nangyayri sakin..
 my energy was lost...
nawala na yung sobrang BITCH and Kaldakarin na ako...
yung tipong on the Go,, no consiquences...
pero kalakarin padin naman ako pero partial nalang...
natuto na kong tumanggi...

i guess sign of aging ba ito??
guess YES!..
ganto ata pag tumuntong na ng 20...
hay...

so im still chan...
the hopeless romantic assuming bitch...

i have a lot of story to make...
but i will post it on the coming days...

my adventures from work?
new friends?
new Life?
new life style?

NEW CHAPTER!.. :)

Past Busy~

hay,, its been a long time since naupdate ko 2..
kaadik kasi magTumblr.. so
hirs a compilation
for the past few weeks..

i joined a Clan called P.O.S its a Bisexual Clan..
kung san nakilala ko tong Jake..
hindi ganun kaPogi..LOl.. pero cute at
maangas.. muka syang demonyo.. hha..
so cnali ko dn c xtian aka flirt no.2 akalain mo super
Best friend ko na sya after the Bad past...
actually super close kami.. sa kanya ko nilalabas lahat
lahat.. kalandian man o kabiguan.. LOL..
and cnali ko din c Enzo na Super Bestfriend ko na din...
at totally friend lang talaga..
the two guys are my closest friend na..
so cnali ko clang dalwa para magkakilala din
cla... hehehe..
at i know type ni xtian c enzo..
match maker kaya tawag sakin ng mga friends ko.. hehhe


So ayun nakasali na cla sa Clan..
at di ko inspected na type pala ni jake c Xtian but type naman
ni xtian c Enzo.. hahaa..
so Change plan.. No more Jake..
MAs ok kung friend kami,,,
And after 1 week
Naloka ako at c Enzo @ c Xtian na.. graveeE.. haha
Pero happy ako sa Kanila..
Dahil nkahanap din c Xtian na seseryoso sa kanya..
I know it im a MAtch maker!!!

and last sat. enzo's birthday...
w/c pumunta naman kami ni xtian w/ dan..
our other friend.. hehehe

and my invite ako dun..
my Fb friend c kuya emJay..
hehe
nakilala ko sya sa FB,,
inadd nya ko. and everyday nya ko minemessage..
His like my Kuya! na..!
and my sense kausap.. compare s mga parasites
na message ng message sa FB..
So inivite ko din sya
kaya We now Have a Happy Family~

and about sa Clan..
nagquit na kami dun..
my mga Falaka kasing makukulit,,
at aligid ng aligid samin...
hahahahaha.

un lang~ basta update na ulit sa blog ko~ hhaha

One Night Only

..
before i start...
this last few weeks..
im busy w/ photography and cosplays...
mejo nabawasan ang night life...
dahil gumoro ng japan c bestfriend Karen..
and 2 months syang ibuburo dun ng ate nya...hehe..

Anyway last night jan.24..
I met Ansem from PlanetRomeo..
it was 8:30PM.. super net lang ako sa bahay...
making my report for tomorrow.. hehe
then a Seducting tone from planetromeo makes me excited..ehhee
Ayun Ansem..
a Field worker... traveling from places to places..
and nasa isa syang hotel d2 samin,...
and super message lang..
where u from? how are you? etc.

I was totally Bored that night and I Need SEX! hehe
so message him if i could drop by sa Hotel kung san sya nagstay..
and he message me Back.. SURE...Rm.404..

So a little Shower.. super pabango and deo..
and im ready to go..

I was riding on a jeep and naligaw pa ko..
i forgot dalawa pala branch nung hotel,,,
and napunta ako sa wrong one..
so balik ako...
nung nakarating na ko sa hotel..
its like 9:30pm na ata..
diretsyo lang ako sa rm.404 and katok...
heheh..
and a guy appeared "ANSEM"
he looks elegant ,taller than me and Profesional.
compare w/ others i met..
Pumasok ako sa rm. nya...
and a little conversation..
until the atmosphere taken to HEAT~
an eye contact makes my junior erect..
and a hard kiss from him make me roll all the way~
AND he kiss me like wala ng Bukas.. hehe..
and he go down Lower to my abdomen and SUck my
Baby to the dippest and the Rest was History~
hehe...
and a lot of cjikinini i recived from my chest..
nilamog nya ko~ hehe..

Overnight lang sya sa hotel dahil travel ulit sya the next morning...
Pero pag bumalik daw sya dito .. we will do it again LOL!

PlanetRomeo STORY~

a friend of mine in g4m from manila message me asking.
if my alam daw akong resort hir in olongapo city, because he and he's friend
are taking a vacation here..so i gave him the info.
anyway i read his profile and i feel the pain on the story he write on his
profile... how they ended w/ his 4 yrs and 2 months ex.
so heres his story... and nagpaalam naman ako ipost to..
pumayag naman sya.. hehe..

I HAD A PARTNER BEOFRE FOR MORE THAN 4 YEARS. 4YEARS AND 2 MONTHS TO BE EXACT. I WAS 21 THEN HE WAS 28. HE THOUGHT ME EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT SAME SEX RELATIONSHIP SINCE I WAS TOO YOUNG THEN AND VERY INOCENT ABOUT MY CONFUSIONS. NO DOUBT I LOVE HIM THAT MUCH SINCE I NEVER HAD SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIM. HE LEFT THE COUNTRY FOR WORK. HE HAD A CONTRACT TO WORK IN KSA FOR TWO YEARS, WE ARE STILL OKAY DURING THE FISRT YEAR OF HIS STAY, COMMUNICATION IS VERY OPEN, THE BITTERNESS STARTED WHEN HE WENT HOME FOR HIS ANNUAL VACATION, WE MET FOR I THINK 4X ONLY. ONE OF OUR GIGS WAS IN THE A COMEDY AND DISCO BAR, OFKORS WE WERE IN ONE TABLE. BUT I NOTICED HE WAS NOT LOOKING AT ME, ALL THE WAY, HIS ATTENTION WAS WITH THE PERFORMERS…THEN I NOTICED THIS GUY ON THE OTHER TABLE STARING AT MY EX..THEY WERE LIKE EXCHANGING SMILE..TINGIN TINGIN…SO I KEEP ON TALKING TO HIM..IGNORE LNG XA..THE PROGRAM WAS OVER THEN..NEXT IS DISCO…IT WAS SO SHIT..IN FRONT OF ME..THIS GUY APPROACHED HIM AND TALK TO HIM HE DID NT INTRODUCE ME AS HIS BF..NAG-AYA NAKO UMUWI….. IT HURTS A LOT…IT ENDED UP FROM THERE… WHAT HURT SO MUCH IS THAT…WE DIDN’T MEET FOR A YEAR SINCE HE LEFT THE COUNTRY FOR WORK..WHAT IM ASKING WAS HIS ATTENTION WHILE HE IS ON VACATION…NGHANAP P NG IBA IN FRONT OF ME…DAMN…

ive been single for 1 year and 4 months already...

i have proven that life has never been an easy journey, and ur worst enemy that u will encounter is urself,its just up to you on how u manage everyting about u, its about changing ur attitude towards the situation.

i know and i believe, iam good,its my nature, BUT i cn be bad, i am just human, with lots of imperfections.

i have been struggling since the time i realized that i want something different, so bad, and worst than what the Lord has planned for me...i know, i cannot escape this anyomre, bt as long as i can, and as long as i live, i will struggle and fight for the good, and will always follow my convictions and always fight for wat is right. maybe, just maybe, someday, i would realize that i have to turn back and never look back again to the things i used to do.
in God's time, i would be the person the way i should be.

i always wanted a perfect relationship, though i know, it can never be, coz there is really no perfect relationship, bt i believe, i can make difference, despite imperfections, i will have the relationship that everyone is dreaming of.

im into friendship, i always wanted someone who would gonna listen to all my heartaches. someone who would gonna tap my back and cheer me up amidst all flaws.

take care guys...


~~~~~~

I just realized na ganun na lang ba tayo pagdating sa samesex relationship...
sa naexperience ko kay new guy... ganun nalang bakadali makipaglaro,,
as in you nasa magandang flow ung relationship nyo then on a sudden as in
pitik lang ganun ganun nalang...
i dont know.. life is so unfair!!!!!
(ang drama ko) hehe

PhOtogRapihAn~

Being single for a week and a few days...
anu ba pinagkakaabalahan ko this past days..
Yung totoo Zero ang Love life ko this few days and i think coming weeksS??
i donno basta ndi na ko si DoRa the EXPLORER na super searchHH ng
Someone... basta pag may dumating e di GO!..
pag wala e di wala..~ sabay nalang ako sa Flow ng Life ko this 2011..
nageenjoY naman ako w/ Friends and w/ my Cam.. hehe..
ayun nga nahihilig ako sa Photography at sa paggawa ng Doodle..
So binalik ko ung artistic skills ko this 2011,, hehe,,
Kaysa naman ituon ko ung attention ko finding Bad Romances...
Focus nalang ako sa other things na ineenjoy ko naman...
hehe.... And I Hope Dumating na si Mr.RiGht!!
Share ko lang 1 of my shots and 1 of my doodles.. hehehe..
Till next Time.~